testimony

well here it goes….

Before I got pregnant with my beautiful baby boy Ethan I SUFFERED from depression. I remember my senior year in high school I was so unhappy with my social & “popular” life that I became so depressed. I slept A-LOT! as soon as I’d get home from school around lunch time I’d fall asleep for hours instead of having energy. I wouldn’t eat much. Just enough to survive. I didn’t have an urge to eat, but because I slept so much that took away any physical needs I had. I ended up losing so much weight that a rumor started about me that I did cocaine to lose weight. I remember baseball players coming up to me asking to get “coke” from me and I was sooo confused. Yup, I ended up finding out that that’s how people thought I got so skinny. I don’t know whats worse losing weight from drugs or depression? either is horrible & no one really knew what was going on inside of me. So this is where it started, it continues..

shortly after high school I got pregnant from my on and off boyfriend Eric. Jeeze was that a shocker since I was birth control queen! I think that was a cinco de mayo, tequila, drunken night. If I’m correct. Rewind- before getting preggo I masked my depression with lots of alcohol & later on weed. I used to go to school with vodka in my water bottles. I used to be the girl at the party drinking SHOTTS until I puked, cried or faught someone. (for real) this is sad. I remember my boyfriend Eric taking care of me all the time after parties. This lifestyle of mine went on for about 2-3 years. It gets so bad that I drove drunk to a job orientation at supermex and no one at work knew. I was literally risking my life everyday! for attention? I had no idea at the time. My craziness led to suicide thoughts, running away and acting loca. I had a very dark season to the point I’d think of different ways to not be here on earth anymore. I cut myself till one day…. my boyfriend Eric called the cops on me. I actually don’t even think he was my boyfriend at the time. But he was sure sick of me threatening my life, or hearing that I was hurting myself. so attention was what I wanted? well I got it. fire trucks, police, ambulance showed up at my house. Scary part was I was all alone and heard these sirens thinking Eric didn’t call anyone. That he was lying to me. but sure enough they came. How embarrassing because I realized this was not the attention I wanted. They made their professional decision to take me away for a while and get some help. I ended up getting treatment and without medication I began to heal. I felt horrible for the way I was acting because to see my parents realize I had something going on with me was really horrible, I didn’t want to put my loved ones through my dark season. At the time this all seemed awful but I look back and realize this is part of my story to getting SAVED- literally.

so back to me getting pregnant..

Eric and I both found out together that we were expecting. I remember freaking out, crying, being angry & having so many emotions. Erics only emotions was “let’s do this! we’re doing this! your dong this Jess, we’ve got this”. And I thought he was crazy! Hello! does he not remember that I’m loca Jessica. The crazy girl that’s had issues and he wants me to have a baby and be a mom? Hello, I’m not even a good girlfriend. So after thinking about this season to come we decided “lets do it!” Who knew having Ethan would open my eyes, change my life and soon I’d meet Jesus.

For those of you asking I was very healthy while pregnant. No drinking, smoking, dark thoughts, I was finally in the process of healing. Ethan was born December 2011. Did I think having this little of family of mine was going to fix my life? maybe..

4 months later I came to conclusion my depression was back. My relationship with Eric was not good. I was tired, hurt, angry and still holding onto my past. I desperately wanted to be free from this darkness. Others around me could either tell I was hurting or God just magically used them to keep inviting me to church. Not having a background in church made me think it was a joke, it wouldn’t help and I didn’t need it. Sooner or later I went to church (cottonwood). There it was when I met my Savior. My true healer, My Father. I continued to go back because God spoke to me that night. At this place they had something for me. It was like when your dehydrated and you get a little water, you end up wanting to chug the whole water bottle. That was me, I got a little taste and wanted it all! So I dove right in, hard-core; gave my life to God. I had nothing to lose right? I mean all the other things I was running to wasn’t working.

Its been 5 years of being saved and knowing God. Goodness I was lost for so long and he caught me before I really fell. I think the reason why I take my salvation, my walk with God so preciously is because I know where I came from. He had so much grace for me, forgave me and washed me clean. Trust me I was FILTHY/ DISGUSTING. But he looked at me as His, His glory, His child and perfect in His image. So this is my story. Its pretty intense, pretty hard-core but at least God delivered me from the darkness. I think the source of my  lifestyle was number one NOT having God in my life. I tried doing everything on my own. I did not have a support system. Because I chose to deal with things on my own. I acted as if I could save myself. I didn’t know how to deal with life. Especially the bad times life throws at you. I covered it up with worldly things. Things that DON’T HEAL! Oh my God, He is so good. If my story shocks you, scares you. Well I’m okay with that because how else would you know HOW REAL GOD IS. Not everyone’s story is fairy tales and butterflies. I needed to hit rock bottom in order to desperately need Him, see Him and feel him.

another amazing part of this testimony is after I got saved, my family saw my life changing before their eyes and now everyone in my home is saved. I’ve been so lucky to be able to raise my Son in Gods word and with Gods help. He is the most precious gift God has ever given me. Ethan is such a blessing. He is part of my story, he is a huge part of me reaching out to hold Gods hand and needing Jesus in my life. I ended up marring my on and off boyfriend Eric from high school. Member the guy that called to get me help… well he did help. That was a blessing in disguise. Guess what happened?  We put God at the center of our relationship and became so in love with each other. We became healthy together. We pretty much started fresh as new creations and put God at the center of our relationship. We didn’t just work it out for Ethan, we really wanted to be in each others lives. We have so much love for each other, we have crazy history together. But mostly we wanted to make great memories and live life together forever. So guess what guys, God spoke to Eric and told him to put a ring on it.

Do you not see how good God is as soon as I let him in? family being saved, healthy relationships, joy, love, peace, healing!!!!! hallelujah, God is so amazing. I pray he comes into your life and throws your world right side up. ALL GLORY TO GOD FOR SAVING  ME AND MY FAMILY. FOR CHANGING MY LIFE FOR THE BETTER. I COULDNT DO IT ALONE.

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the beginning of a new year

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January is officially over. Jeeze that flew by, I can’t believe February is already here. I officially have this last month to get through before my baby comes. I can’t believe I’m at the end of my pregnancy. This pregnancy has been so different that when I was pregnant with Ethan. First of all I started out weighing more- so to watch the scale numbers go up is pretty scary. I’m so ready for this baby to come. I feel HUGE! I’m at the point where I can’t sleep, I get up at least 4 times in the middle of the night just to pee. Or I toss and turn all night (so uncomfortable)! None of My shoes fit, I’m borrowing my grandma’s shoes or just wearing socks and slippers. My clothes cannot fit anymore, leggings are even too tight. Pajamas is the only thing that isn’t tight. Well isn’t this a lot of whining!!! This is true pregnancy though. I am totally not the girl that thinks pregnancy is glamorous. Nor do I feel sexier than ever, I feel like a puffy balooga whale. Here’s a funny thought, when I drive my belly hits the steering wheel. Goodness! I stopped exercising in December. Yes I got lazy and tired so I just gave up on trying to be “buff & fit”. I am super excited to get this weight off once the baby is born. I do miss exercising but I’m going to take the rest of this pregnancy off and just rest. My lungs feel like they are being squished so I’m really out of breath. Doesn’t this pregnancy just sound lovely? Its pretty amazing the sacrifice a womens body goes through. But I know its all going to be worth it. I mean HELLO! I’m getting another prince in my life. I’m so beyond excited to have my Ornelas family expand. I’m so happy God is giving me another boy. I am truly grateful God is trusting me to be a mom to another one of His children. And I’m so blessed to have a healthy baby growing inside of me. And besides all my whining I am having a healthy pregnancy so that’s all that matters.

Soon to be 4….

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I’ve missed you..

Hey everyone! It’s been a while since I’ve last blogged. I haven’t had too much to write about because I’ve been transitioning into this new season of mine. I’m officially a stay at home- pregnant momma. It was very weird in the beginning not having a “working” job. It’s still pretty weird actually because I’m trying to figure out how to use my time. It is so foreign for me to depend on my Husband as the head of household. I’m so used to being miss independent Jessica that God is really putting me out of my comfort zone. I’ve been thinking of ways to make income from home but haven’t felt committed or my heart hasn’t led me to what that may look like. I don’t want to do something that I don’t enjoy and I’m trying to figure out what I’m good at. Definitly not a crafty or creative person, so this is HARD!

I’m doing a lot of trusting in God right now & praying for my family’s financial situation. I do understand that being a Mother is a “job” of its own. But I really want to contribute and be able to help out with the bills and such. If you have any ideas please let me know!

Maybe God is using this time for me to grow closer to him? for me to depend on Him and not a dollar. Maybe God is putting me in this spot so I can let my Husband be the head of household. I need to let go of the control I’m used to having and let God control my life. I need to let “Jesus take the wheel..” (Carrie Underwood).

My request to you as your finishing reading this… can you please pray for me? I need prayer for door openings, favor in my life. Prayer for my Husband who’s working very hard to support his family. A promotion for him? a better position? a different job? a bonus? His energy, strength and his faith in God.

I know God has my back! and I know prayer works! Thank you for your support, prayers. Sending love to you & your family as we enter this holiday season. God bless you!

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Yes being a Mother is the best job ever. My why, my reason for wanting to do so well. I want to make him proud. I love you Ethan boy.

 

it’s been a while….

Hi everyone! It’s been a really busy 2 months for me. I got a new job, my family and I moved into a new place. And the BIGGEST news yet is we’re adding to the ORNELAS SQUAD +1

I know I haven’t been blogging  the past 2 months but that’s because I’m finally adjusted to my new job. I became a manager & at first it was overwhelming, a lot of work & a ton of responsibility on my plate. But because God is with me, I got through it! I conquered that tall mountain in front of me. THANK YOU JESUS for being there for me, because if I had to do it on my own, I’d definitely be LOCA. Also my Husband and I moved into our new place. Its nice to finally live on our own & have privacy when we want it. Goodness it is really expensieve to live on your own. hahaha! I will admit living on our own we’ve faced financial struggles but that hasn’t shaken my walk with God. If anything my relationship and dependence on God is even more greater now than ever. I might be poor on the outside, but I know I am RICH on the inside. I feel like God is preparing my family for whats to come. A season that I cannot see, but a season that he is preparing me for. Maybe this financial struggle is for a reason? Maybe God knew money was what it took to really grow deeper with him. Maybe God knew taking away our pleasurable lifestyle would bring us closer to him. Who knows? ONLY HE DOES. BUT IM TRUSTING HIM!!!!!

I really want to say THANK YOU to our close loved ones. Eric and I have amazing people in our lives. People that support us, love us unconditionally, and make us feel so comfortable. To have family, and friends that turn into family is a blessing. I thank God everyday for the special people in our lives. Eric and I love you guys so much! Thank you for loving my family with your whole hearts and walking this journey of life beside us.

For anyone wondering how marriage has been… your answer is, ITS BEEN INCREDIBLE. It’s better than I imagined. Even though Eric was my baby daddy/ boyfriend for years – marriage is another story. It’s so different in a good way. There’s more freedom in my soul knowing theres no shame in our relationship. We conquered so much including marriage and to know God has His hand over both of us is a safe feeling. My husband is as close as a fleshly relationship that allows me to show my love to God. We’ve learned so much together as a couple, especially in our premarriage counseling with our amazing PASTORS (Melissa & Rodrigo). The biblical tools we learned from our sessions with them has allowed us to grow and blossom into a sacred covenant. I had no idea marriage would be this great!!! when you live in the flesh and only by the flesh the world will tell you so many different things about marriage. But when you hear the truth about marriage, read the truth about marriage your perspecitve changes 100%. You see that it is something God created. for HIS glory! for His goodness, for His purpose. It is a blessing from HIM.

One thing I’ve learned from the past few months is, I can never change Eric. I don’t have that power, nor do I want that power anymore. I let God handle Eric, to change him & mold him. Of course I pray for my husband daily, but its a good feeling to know its not my job to change him. I married him because I LOVE HIM. & I accept him as he is. Thank you God for bringing Eric and I together as husband and wife. I pray our relationship can help others out in the future. I pray for people to be unashamed of their past and to move forward by putting Christ at the center of EVERYTHING.

So, lastly.. I know your waiting to hear about this +1. The Ornelas family will no longer be 3, we will be a family of 4! woooohooooo! Getting married was a new begining for our family. Which means Eric warmed me up to this idea of being a mom to another baby. crazy right? because I thought Ethan was going to be my only child till at least age 10. hahaha. My plan never turns out my way. Thats one thing I’ve learned about life… is, it never goes as WE planned. So of course the blessing with marriage is you can TRY/ PRACTICE BABY making. hahaha, so we practiced a few times & God knew we’d be ready for this huge change in our life. Its very nice to know God trusts me to be a mother to another human being. Its really cool that God wants our family to grow. Its really special that I am chosen to be a wife, a mother, a friend, a sister. I am chosen because God says I am. I am confident in Him because he gives me strength. He gives me all I need.

please keep my family in your prayers. It is a pleasure to be able to share my story with you. I pray my honesty can inspire you. REMEMBER YOU ARE LOVED, BY THE MOST HIGH.

have a wonderful weekend xoxo!

-jessica ornelas-

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The Walking Revelation

So blessed to be on this walk with these sisters. It reminds me of my sister and I. The love sisters have for each other & the power of God

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I wanted to talk today about my sister Amarah. Today marks her 60 days of sobriety and I am honestly so proud, and that is actually a lot for me to admit. I learned to stop getting my hopes up when it came to things with her. Now, I know this sounds completely terrible, especially from an outsiders perspective, but so many people don’t know our story so please leave your opinions elsewhere. As you can tell this is a very touchy subject for me.

But anyway, she is a walking testimony, not only for her but for me as well. I had reached my limit not too long ago, going through so much throughout the years had caused me to give up on her. I’m not going to sugarcoat this, I was to the point where I couldn’t even pray for her anymore because it felt like a waste…

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OUR PASTOR’S

Meet our Pastor’s from AGAPE LIFE CHURCH – FULLERTON

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Isn’t this a good looking bunch. Ladies you look amazing!

Eric & I are truly blessed to have people like you in our lives. The difference between the church we came from and here at Agape Life Church is, we know our Pastor’s. On a personal level, on a friend level, on a mentor level. In all types of ways we know you guys. Thank you for literally “doing life with us”. We honestly wouldn’t be married if it wasn’t for you all being amazing influences in our life. You guys are our role models. You make us brave & unafraid of marriage. We look at marriage as a blessing & beautiful thing God created. When before I used to think of it as a “flesh/man created thing”. BUT ITS NOT! Marriage is from God. Even though marriage is tough and not an easy walk in the park you all make marriage look worth it! The way these husbands look at their wives and NO other women is rare. Now a days you have guys looking all over the place where their eyes shouldn’t be, and these dudes are faithful. They treat their wives like queens. I admired that, & I’m so glad Eric jumped on the marriage boat as well. My dude Pastors showed Eric that it wasn’t so bad being married. They taught him so much and I thank God Eric has amazing people he can look up to and do life with. Thank you Pastors for not judging both of us, thank you for accepting us into your church. Thank you for opening up your lives & family to ours, we’ve become friends outside of church & I cherish all our relationships. Special thanks to these ladies, You all have showed me how to love my Husband and be unashamed of our relationship. You’ve encouraged me to grow our family & you’ve taught me all the blessings that come with marriage. Your lives have showed me what its like to be a wife & and I’m blessed to have you ladies so close to me in my life. Thank you AGAPE LIFE CHURCH – PASTORS!

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Sisters in Christ – is a must!

We need women of God in our lives. We need ladies to walk the journey with us. We cannot do it alone. It becomes so much easier when you have girlfriends that are doing life with you. We need women in our lives that will encourage us, uplift us, pray for us, be there for us and listen to us when we need to talk. Maybe even hug us when we need to cry. We need sisters that will speak life into us & not give up on us. Life gets easier when we have these special ladies in our lives.

How do we find these sisters?

My first few SISTER’S IN CHRIST I met in college. I attend a Christian college so it was pretty easy to connect with ladies that believed in God. Many times in life Christian women will feel like outsiders in the world and WE ARE. So when I connected with my girlfriends from college we had this outsider feeling in common. It became easier to open up to one another because we had the same beliefs and struggles in life.

Another place I found SISTER’S IN CHRIST is church. At Agape Life Church It was easy to connect to women. I would attend the women events so I can get to know the ladies more. It required effort on my part to go to the women events hosted by the church. And it required effort of me getting out of my comfort zone of being shy & creating relationships. Asking questions & getting to know other ladies is important. It can’t be all about us, it has to be 2 sided with a friendship. You have to get to know them too, so the door goes both ways when you need each other.

Lastly, I host a bible study and I have created amazing relationships in this group. If you can’t host a bible study become part of one. The bible study I host is all women and it is a safe place to talk about the “girl stuff” we all go through. We are all different ages, cultures and get to learn from other ladies trials, success stories, family issues & their walk with God. Being able to open up and share your testimony creates a open door to get deeper in a friendship.

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I HOPE I CAN ENCOURAGE YOU TO FIND SOME AWESOME LADY FRIENDS THAT WILL WALK LIKE WITH YOU. PRAY FOR GOD TO PUT WOMEN OF CHRIST IN YOUR LIFE. FRIENDSHIP IS SUCH A BLESSING.